Three more weeks

We've entered that achy period where all the bones are sore and the ligaments stretched about as far as they'll go. I really surprised how active Jamie still is! With both fo the others by this point they'd pretty much run out of room and had settled down (OP, of course, but still, at least). But not Jamie! Oh no! And it's not like he has any more room than the others did. He just doesn't have any qualms about pumelling me from the inside.

So the last two nights have been mild, as far as ctx go. His head gets lower and lower (if that's possible), but we didn't have serious labor ctx either Sat or Sunday night. Just that grinding head on pelvis and stretching pubic symphasis, as per the usual.

Today we spent the morning shopping and by 1:00 I could feel things ramping up, so I sent Sofi to a quiet time when I put Judah down for naps, and I'm going to spend an hour on the couch and then a half hour in the pool when they get up. We'll see if that helps. The pool feels good (great, actually), but doesn't seem to affect contractions one way or the other.

I bought the first bits of my anti-thrush regime today at Whole Foods. I plan to start religiously chugging barley green (to affect body pH), pro-biotics and perhaps the Caprylic Acid as well. If you want to read about my previous experiences with yeast/thrush, check out the main blog. I'm going to try to limit my sugar intake a little more, too. When I'm tired and draggy-feeling, I tend to rely too much on sugar for a mood-enhancer. I gotta watch that.

Last Night's "Labor"

So last night I kinda did an experiment of sorts. When the ctx began to start rocking and rolling, around 4:30-5:00, I decided to just sit on my butt all evening and see what would happen. So I did. We heated up leftovers for dinner and J wrangled the kids for me.

I would say it was a success of sorts. The problem was, I felt as though I was just barely holding the ctx at bay. Even the slightest exertion would bring on a few. For instance, I tidied up the living room before J got home. Maybe 20 min of picking up toys and such? I didn't even vacuum or anything. Then had several very intense ctx. So I sat down, relaxed and they went away again. The whole evening went that way. Helped J get the kids into bed-- five or six ctx. Washed the dishes-- five or six ctx. Showered and pj-ed-- more ctx. Etc. In between times, I sat on the couch as still as possible and had no ctx at all.

I guess that's good and bad news. Good to know that if need be, I can prevent ctx by simply sitting around all evening long. Bad news, if I want to prevent the ctx altogether, I have to do nothing and sit around on the couch all evening. So my plan is just to pick an evening every couple of days, when I feel the need for a mental/emotional break and do just that. We can get a pizza, or J can fix dinner. The rest of the time, I'll just go about my normal activities and expect to spend the evening in labor :)

Weirdest sensation EVER

During one especially intense ctx tonight, I had to leave the dining room table and get on the bed and kinda hum my way through it. My body pretty much put itself in knee-chest of its own volition, without conscious thought. Things got more intense still-- particularly in my back and tailbone until I had to call for J to come and put some counter-pressure there. As he started to press in, I felt (ohsoweird!) Jamie's head begin to rotate against my cervix. He was turning from his traditional posterior position to something a little anterior, anyway. And whoa-mama! It felt so STRANGE. I could feel his whole body just spinning, slowly, rotating-- no abrupt hand or foot movements, just this slow, steady spin. I became so vividly aware of him as a separate identity-- a real person-- inside my body.

It kinda freaked me out :)

Why I started this Birth Blog

It's for the sake of dealing better with all this prodromal labor that I've decided to go ahead and let myself talk about "being in labor" this time around. Despite it all starting four weeks before my official due date. I've decided not to play mind games, not to try and ignore contractions, or do crazy, herculean feats to try to get them to increase, or take all kinds of weird concoctions to get them to quit. But rather to just accept that this is the normal, GOOD working of my body to bring a baby into the world. It takes me two to four weeks to get a baby out. It just does.

I'm not going to say these are Braxton-Hicks, either. They're not. It's different. This is the same kind of ctx I have in labor, just less intense and less regular and predictable. B-H ctx feel like squeezing... like squeezing a rubber ball really hard and then gradually letting go. But these ctx have an edge, a sharpness, that B-H don't. Like squeezing a ball of tinfoil. Prickly, with edges. Later on, as labor progresses over the next few weeks, the edges will get sharper and harder-- although it's always one step forward, two steps back. Then, at some point, I'll notice that it's less tin foil and more like actual tin. And then we'll progress to the feeling of being in a car-crusher and then I'll call the midwife :)

When I can think rationally and calmly about simply being in the looooong first stages of actually bringing my child into the world, I'm able to be at peace about it. When I can agree with what my body's doing, instead of fighting it and trying to manipulate and change it, then I can accept what's going on. It lets me distract myself with other tasks, instead of getting all tense-- "will they stop? will they get harder? is this It? what should I do???"

The answer is, do nothing. Rest. Wait on the Lord. The good work He has begun in me, He will accomplish it in His own time.

As far as blogging goes, I intend to keep a kind of daily journal of how this weeks-long labor progresses. It might be helpful to Sofi one day, as an example of how the women in our family seem to do this :) Who knows? It may be good info for others in the meantime. Regardless, it will at least help me to articulate what's happening and keep track of the progress, as slow as it may seem in the moment.